Creating Your Crazy Great Life: Part 1 of 3

I was talking with a client last week about…self-care, of course.  She described how, after she made her health a priority, that taking care of herself has become something she will not go a day without.  She said, “I may even take TOO much care of myself!”  Even for seasoned veterans of self-care, it can be difficult to shake the social stigma that basic self-care is excessive.  But the proof is in the pudding:

As a wife, mother and business owner, this woman is vibrant, energetic and giving.  She always seems to have more to contribute.  Instead of viewing self-care as “one more thing I have to do,” she has come to understand that it actually strengthens her to create a life she is excited to live.

But she did not get there magically overnight.  She practiced…and still practices…many of the fundamentals I am introducing to you today and over the next couple of weeks.  The sooner you begin practicing these, the sooner you will experience just how GREAT self-care feels.  Be warned however:  what I am about to give to you is not for the faint of heart.

These practices are simple and effective, but require courage and commitment on your part if you are to master them.  Have fun.

Fundamental #1:  Just Say No.  Don’t think you have time to care for yourself?  Start saying no to the non-essential things you are currently saying yes to and you will discover just how much time you actually have available.  If everything feels essential, you probably need to learn better boundaries; what you are responsible for and what is actually the responsibility of others.  People in your life probably are not used to hearing you say no, so here is a phrase you can use when they push back:  “My answer is no.  Yes, I understand you’re upset and that you don’t like it.  But my answer is still no.”  Say it with a smile.

If you notice that saying no triggers extreme fear in you, you may need to consider addressing this with a professional therapist.  When saying yes and complying was a matter of physical safety or conditional love in your childhood, it is normal that you would feel terrified to say no later in life.  Internally, it may sound something like, “If I say no, he will hurt me,” or “I have to say yes to keep her love.”

This is an aspect that warrants deeper work with a professional that can guide you through the healing process.  Pay attention to this fear and take it as an opportunity to heal this area of your life.  That is self-care, too.

Need to build up your ‘no’ muscle?  Say no to everything for a whole day, then increase that to an entire week.  It takes practice to find your words and tone and to get comfortable with it, especially in being firm with people that seem unaccustomed to hearing that particular word.  But the more confident you become in saying no, the more often others will respect and accept it even if they don’t like it.

And the more you will be able to handle it when some REALLY do not like it.  That is bound to happen.  Remember, most of the time they are upset because you are not sacrificing your own basic needs to cater to the very things they should be doing for themselves.

So how much time WOULD you have at the end of a day or week of saying no to everyone else’s non-essential agendas and priorities?  What could you start doing for your own body, heart, mind and spirit?

Start with this, and next week I’ll be back with four more fundamentals to increasing your self-care practice.

To Your Great Life!

Becky