Extraordinary Marriage Project: As A Man Thinks… Copy

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Bordering Utah and Arizona, there is a mesmerizing area known as Lake Powell. Red rock cliffs jetting out of pristine waters stretching over 180 miles long and 25 miles wide. A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to spend time there with friends, on a houseboat, that I actually navigated from the marina to our destination cove a couple of hours away.

I had never driven a houseboat before, but having grown up on Lake Huron in Michigan, I’ve never forgotten rule number one in steering a boat: Pick a point as far in front of you as you can, and aim for it. Because you will naturally align and move in whatever direction you focus on. What’s true in boating is true in life, and it’s true in creating the love you desire in marriage. Whatever you continually focus on in your heart and mind will show up in your actions to create the experience you have in finding your life partner. Don’t like the experience you’re having right now? Time to align your focus in a new direction, one that will actually move you where you want to go.


Focus on what you want instead of don’t want. The subconscious brain is always working to accomplish whatever you are focused on. Focus=direction. Trying to create the relationship you want while focused on what you don’t want is like trying to drive a car forward while staring intently in the rearview mirror.

Where do you focus your attention and energy—“Why can’t I find love?” or “How can I create love?”

Your mind is a treasure house of accumulated thoughts, fueling the actions you take and don’t take. Are you amassing a fortune of what you want or of what you don’t want?

Whatever you focus on expands. If you look for what’s good in yourself and others, you’ll find more good. If you look for what’s bad, you’ll find more of that. You will get lots of whatever you focus on most of the time.

Live with the intention that an amazing partner is available and accessible to you. Live from the commitment to meet and connect with him or her. Get rid of any talk that sounds like, “All the good ones are taken.” Have you noticed that the more you speak this, the more you experience it? It actively creates scarcity. So intentionally create abundance instead.

How many times has your brain replayed some version of “Everybody else finds love, but not me”? That mental program will not serve you in finding a life partner. You must stop seeing yourself as the exception to the rule and see yourself instead as a chosen mate. See yourself as the catch, the prize, and then live like it every moment.

Looking for love wherever you go and seeing love wherever you go are two different things. What would be different for you if you moved through the day seeing love as already present and accessible?

“Wanting” marriage actually gets in the way of experiencing it as available already, and leaves you with a constant sensation of not yet having it. Let that soak in. Cultivating an internal sense that your desire is already fulfilled will transform your experience in the moment and align you with having what you’ve created in your heart to be so.

The wait can be brutal or it can be blessed. You can choose to be blessed in the wait and by the wait. Notice what you experience then.

If you’re struggling in the wait, ask God to show you the faith, hope and love available to you right now. It’s hard to see them in the struggle, but that doesn’t mean they have vanished. Even when everything else goes, these three remain. So ask God to connect you to all the faith, hope and love you are already surrounded with.  Receive them with gratitude and relax into their support.

For the rest of the Extraordinary Marriage Project series:  Get Ready Hope 1 Hope 2 Action! Loves Me Hold On

Be Great!


Becky Henderson
Becky Henderson
I am a catalyst to uncover the blocks and barriers getting in your way of creating the life you desire. Together we can transform the obstacles into opportunities. I listen to what you say…and what you do not say. Similar to a mirror, I show you what you cannot see on your own right now, and tell you what is necessary to create the results you are looking for. I value who you are and where you want to go in life.
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