According to labor statistics, 37.4% of the U.S. population in 1976 was single. Fast-forward to 2014, that number jumps to 50.2%. There are no more Americans single than married. And for those Single Never Married, America is currently at an all-time high of about 20%. However we got here, more and more of our population is single.
We’re in an age where more people are intentionally delaying marriage until later in life or forgoing it altogether. So while the pool of singles in America has grown, the percentage of that pool that desires marriage has declined. This makes dating in modern times particularly challenging for marriage-minded singles. For people dating with the intention of finding a lifetime partner, it’s a whole new world compared to a few decades ago. This summer I’m writing a book that speaks to those finding themselves dating much longer or later than they ever thought they would on their quest for love. Maybe this is for you; maybe it’s for someone dear to you. It offers you a new way of being in your relationships so you can create the partnership you deeply desire. This is not a how-to manual. Rather, it is access to transforming your way of being, which will leave you generating your own how-to’s for an extraordinary marriage.
Throughout the summer I’ll be posting excerpts from the book here on A Great Blog, and I’d love your feedback, as it’s a work in progress. Please email your thoughts or questions to becky@beckyhenderson.org. I’m intentionally focusing this project on dating and marriage, but many of the principles can be applied to other relationships in your life as well. Play with it! And feel free to share this with anyone you know that could use some support as they move toward their mate.
READY FOR MARRIAGE
You will fit with a person of similar health and dysfunction. This is the law of sympathetic resonance. Humans resonate, attract and click with others of similar heart and mind. You don’t attract who you want; you attract who you are.
What kind of person is your spouse looking for? If s/he walked into your life today, would they recognize you as the mate they’ve been looking for?
The longer you delay dating until you “know how”, the longer you delay the lessons that would actually teach you what you’re longing to know.
Get your “house” in order. Is there room in your life physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually for a partner? Life always shows up in the space you create for it. What kind of relationship are you making space for?
Your access to being married is to live as married right now. It will have you living in such a way that your spouse will align with and recognize you when you finally meet.
Settling for a relationship that’s so-so or dysfunctional is just your fear of being alone winning out over your shot at something great. Get present to what that fear is really costing you.
Opportunities to see your partner under stress and pressure or out of their comfort zone are golden. What comes out of a person when they get squeezed is what was already inside. The situation just gives you a chance to see it. This is a peak into the future with this person and an opportunity to address unworkable behavior (if that is what comes out) before you make a lifelong commitment.
There are three things that are present for a man when he’s ready to marry a woman:
- He knows what he wants.
- He has the means to go after it.
- He has the ability to communicate it.
When a person you’re with is ready to move from dating you to marrying you, they will want YOU rather than wanting more options. The person that’s happy to keep dating you is just holding out for more options.
Your spouse is looking for you, too. They want to find you just like you want to find them. Notice I said YOUR spouse…not every person in the dating pool. Not every person you date will want to marry you. Thank God for that! Keep your eyes and heart open for the person that’s looking for you.
Becky
