For those that are experiencing life partnership as TOO LONG IN COMING, I get you. At a certain point, the hope we carry seems to turn on us in taunting betrayal. We reach a place where holding out hope seems more painful than just giving up and moving on to other pursuits. How many times we’ve asked God to just take the desire away altogether!
From my journal, circa 35 years old, “I’m just so sad. I’m sad when I see pictures of my nieces and nephews. I’m sad when I get wedding invitations. I’m sad when I get invited to an event and am supposed to ‘bring a date.’ Each is a glimpse into my future…alone. Sadness invades every encounter. I’m consumed with thoughts of being unwanted and rejected. I’m sad. I’m sad and can’t keep pretending I’m not.”
Out of this struggle—that I wrestled with for years—has emerged a new way of being as I move toward my life partner. The following from Extraordinary Marriage Project are words of life that I have come to stand on. Be encouraged.
REAL HOPE TO STAND ON
You only ever have this moment. This moment is your life. The choice you make this moment is your life. At the same time, who you are is distinct from—greater than—the moment you’re in.
You are not your experience. Experience passes, you remain. Experience is temporary, you are eternal. Forever beings can never be defined by momentary happenings. Remember that.
As long as you’re waiting for your dream to come true some day, it means that it’s not happening today. You can choose and cultivate a state of hope fulfilled right now, on the inside. Imagine living each day from the place where you’re already in partnership with the love of your life!
You’re only as stuck as you choose to be. A genuine commitment to move forward will get you moving again.
Keep making mistakes. Keep “failing.” Learn from every experience. It’s only failure when you call it so. When you learn to experience it all as neutral feedback and information instead, you’ll be unstoppable.
In a relationship, it’s really difficult to screw up a great thing. When you’re committed to creating a great relationship, you can handle the challenges that come. Notice how your partner handles them—it reflects what they’re committed to as well.
Stop torturing yourself. The wait is hard only if you call it hard. “Hard” only exists in your speaking of it. Really. Consider that the wait is just the wait. You alone are creating your experience with the wait as hard, unfair, too long, etc. Why not create it as a joy, a delight, an opportunity? The way you experience the wait is completely up to you.