I was pretty sure I had slipped off his priority list altogether. I would get upset, tell myself I deserved better, and then jump back in the next time he called to get together again! This cycle repeated weekly. I genuinely believed that I was loved by God, so I struggled with the question, “How can God let Kyle do this to me?” But the truth is that I was the one letting Kyle do this to me, because deep down, even though I believed God loved me, I didn’t love me. And I finally recognized it in what I tolerated from Kyle.
In this Self-care series, I have described how loving and caring for your self creates a solid foundation for your life. But that is only partly true. It is more complete to say that you are co-creating that strong foundation. It is partnership and collaboration with God, and you can either be working WITH God or AGAINST God.
My own journey covered many years of acquiring a head-knowledge that God loved and valued me. And I TRIED to get it into my heart, but it wouldn’t (couldn’t) sink in. I was the poster child for, “I know God forgives me, but I can’t forgive myself.” Maybe you can relate.
What I finally discovered as I dated Kyle is that the critical relationship I had with myself was actually preventing me from living in the fullness of God’s love for me. I could mentally acknowledge that I was highly valuable in God’s eyes, but as long as I remained worthless in my own eyes—in my heart—I struggled to feel and live out that high value. So I decided to get in alignment with the love of God by being as loving towards myself as God is. This has been the key to getting my heart to finally believe what my head has known for years. This is how I partner with God to co-create a solid foundation of mental, emotional, physical and spiritual wellbeing. Everyday new things come into my awareness that need transformation, and now I care enough about myself to fully participate in that process.
As you practice self-care, begin to notice where your behavior may be conflicting with your higher/conscious beliefs about yourself, God and others. What does your behavior reveal about what you may believe on a deeper level? This is a great place to start your work.
If you would like support in your own transformation process, I would be honored to help.
To Your Great Life!