I almost married a crazy man. Really. He was textbook and severe. And I didn’t see it until the night before the wedding. (Insert sound of screeching brakes here).
My life’s work is as a professional counselor and life coach. And I desire marriage. You can imagine I had PLENTY of things to tell myself about that experience. Here is a little peek at the PG Rated version:
- How could I be so blind?
- I shouldn’t have moved so fast.
- I’m never going to get married.
- It’s too late for me.
- I’m an idiot!
- How could I be so foolish?
Last week we started a conversation to distinguish between the domains of who we are and what we have
. It’s easiest to see which domain you are operating from when what you have changes; it shows up in the stories you create about it. Do you notice a struggle, resistance or fear regarding who you will be if you let something go? Whether it’s a relationship, career, title, status, etc., you will experience a great struggle in letting go when you’re living as though what you have is who you are. Notice that you don’t have stories, you are your stories. And you are that you are your stories. That will keep you stuck in life.
I’d like you to think of a difficult/painful situation in your life. Now I’d like you to notice that within that situation exist the facts of what happened as well as what you are telling yourself about what happened. What you’re telling yourself about what happened is the story; it’s the meaning that you supply and apply to the facts. Usually the more painful the situation, the more difficult it is to give up the story….because you’re experiencing the story as WHAT IS instead of as what you’re telling yourself about what is.
Try this out, just for a moment. Let go of the story of what happened and notice what happens to you. You are still here, you still are, you still exist. You didn’t evaporate without the story. The story is not you; it is just something you have. You remain, with or without it. Keep in mind, giving up the story isn’t suggesting that the events didn’t happen. But it is seeing it from the position that, “What happened happened.” That’s it. No more “What happened means I am __________, or they are _______.”
In my bullet-dodging experience, the facts are that I almost married a man, and that I didn’t marry a man. That’s it. I still like to call him a crazy man, but that’s just my story of him. When I give up my story of those facts, I see that the event means nothing for what’s possible in my future, it means nothing for my career and abilities. No should’s or shouldn’ts. What happened is not who I am. From that position, I can learn and grow and freely move into an intentionally created future. That is incredible. And I’m left with a story I can use instead of it using me.
When you live from who you really are, your circumstances can change all day long, and the change will not impact who you declare yourself to be, you as word. Regardless of what’s in the bank, you are wealthy. Regardless of what’s happening in your relationships, you are love and loved. Regardless of what’s happening in your body, you are whole.
Remember, who you are is the realm of declaration, not description, so in that domain you are free to keep creating yourself, and it WILL impact the results you get in your circumstances. This isn’t denying reality; this is taking a stand for creating a new reality. Scripture teaches that what is seen comes from what is unseen. The domain of the material comes from the domain of the immaterial, never ever the other way around.
Who you are trumps every circumstance in your life. You don’t have a trump card. You ARE the trump card.