Your first option is simple: choose to let the old story go. Simple, but not always easy. Scott Byrd, and incredible coach, has said, “You don’t have the choices you can’t see.” Once you see the distinction between what happened to you and what you’re telling yourself about what happened to you, your choice is to keep playing the made-up story or to let go of all that meaning. In letting go, you can acknowledge the facts without being constrained by the old story you had about the facts. You can also use or leverage those facts to propel you forward in life.
You can choose to rewrite or reframe the story you derive from your experiences to one that empowers you–what did you learn, how did you grow? My own traumatic experience was a gift to live
(not just understand
) that who I am and what happens to me are separate matters. You’ll notice that this “new” meaning won’t feel real at first. That’s fine. The only reason the old story feels real is that it has been with you for years. But it, too, is made up. It just got made up unconsciously and really early, before you had any choice in the matter. Give yourself permission to get used to your consciously created story (or even just the facts), and it will become your new normal. Only this time, it will be chosen by you, instead of thrust upon you by life experiences.
Sometimes the old story is so deeply ingrained in your heart, mind and body that even when you truly see it as just a story, you still see no new possibility of living without it. If that’s the case for you, your next option is to get some help. I’m a practical gal. If I need to clear a foot of snow off a sidewalk, a shovel will work just fine. If I need to clear 3 feet of snow off a 10-mile stretch of highway, give me a plow. The shovel will still work on the road, but why would I use a shovel when a plow is available? There are power tools available for clearing the paradigms getting in your way, and you can learn more about two of my favorites here.
When you clear out and let go of the stories life has layered upon you, you will begin to uncover the you that has been there all along. The you that is eternal, the you that will remain. That
you—who I submit is the real
you—was never broken, just buried. So again, there is Nothing To Fix
about that you. Take a very close look; who were you before the layers of painful interpretations piled on? What might happen if that you finally got out?
I say that “amazing, beautiful, magnificent” won’t even come close to what you’ll find when you REALLY see the creature God made you to be. What life could you create from that place, free from any constraint of the past? How would you show up in your marriage, work, family, friendships, health and even finances from a consciously chosen way of being? Your future is a blank canvas. We’re all waiting for you to live out how great you were born to be.